And no, I'm not PMSing right now.

I just found this great post on The Happy Feminist. And oldie but goodie. I'm so glad that someone else was annoyed by this. Men often use second-hand information the menstrual cycle to exoticise and "explain" women. I usually do feel some side effects before I get my period: about three days of mild depression and some preliminary cramps. However, once I figured out that this monthly depression was the cause of PMS, I was just able to say, "OK, it's hormones. Now that I know that, I'll move on." So much attention is paid to PMS that most women probably know what symptoms they can expect from PMS and how to deal with them.

The really annoying thing, however, is when you're just pissed off or frustrated and men just assume that you're PMSing. I remember this happened one time in high school when I was at play practice. Anyone who's ever been in any kind of play or production requiring a lot of rehearsal time knows how frustrating it is. Group work on a large scale, especially with a group of people who are not professionals, is REALLY frustrating. So one time I was on stage practicing and something went wrong or somebody said something that annoyed me and I said something angry. My instructor then said, in front of everyone, while I was standing on stage, "Geez! Can you say PMS?" I remember that my mouth dropped open because I was so surprised to hear that from a grown man. I was on stage in front of everyone, so what was I supposed to do? Say "I just got off my period last week." I can't remember, but I think I said aloud, "That is the most immature thing I've ever heard." I know I thought it, at least, but looking back, I hope I said it aloud.

This is the problem: whenever a woman gets angry, men can just say, "She's PMSing," thereby eliminating any responsibility they may have towards the situation, blaming it all on her cycle and leaving it at that. But what if she's not PMSing? What if she's pissed off for a legitimate reason or she's in a frustrating situation (and believe me, nothing is more frustrating that a high school play)? Any grown woman is going to know she's PMSing. She knows the symptoms, she knows the time of month, and she doesn't need to use it as an excuse.

The comments on THF's blog were mostly annoying. There were a few men who were bringing science into it as a ruse for saying that hormonal women are irrational and are in no place to judge whether they're irrational or not. It's true, I only know as much about human genetics and anatomy as Biology 101 and 102 will teach, but I do know that not treating people like shit and taking them seriously was around WAY before modern biology was, and so were hormonal fluctuations. Everybody has them and so it's shameful for anybody to judge other people on normal hormonal fluctuations. Since PMS has supposedly been demystified, everyone, especially people who have never experienced it, uses it to explain away women's anger, depression, frustration, and all those other nasty emotions that she has no reason to feel. (I mean, after all, I didn't piss her off or anything, did I?)

Men do go through some sort of cycle, too, but since these, I guess, are just part of guys being guys, they're not used to explain away stuff. My manager at work, a guy in his early 50's, goes through some sort of cycle. He'll be normal most of the time, say, for 9 months out of the year, but then all of a sudden, he'll just go through three months where he's a total asshole, jumping down everybody's throat for everything. At least one person quits during these times. I stay on because I know that they're temporary and that as long as I just do what he says, don't give him any shit, and try to distract him from whatever's bothering him, he'll put up with me. I guess I should also mention that he and I are really good friends. But am I like, "Oh, he's on his hormonal kick again. I guess I shouldn't take anything he says or does seriously"? No. The stuff he's pissed off about is actually legitimate stuff, it's just that he's more frustrated by it than he normally would be.

At the end of the day, he's still my friend who's a nice guy nine months of the year and a pain in the neck for three months. I don't dismiss him, I don't pick and choose what times of the year or month that I'm his friend, I'm not all like, "I like him, except when he's PMSing," you know? If he's my friend, I have to embrace him completely.